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writing from god, scott richard

writing from god, scott richard
Body Art
Image by torbakhopper
PRESS PLAY

galantis
steel

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and now an essay on why america needs to debunk itself from anti-american AMERICAN racist USURERS & "color coding" racism ….

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recently i was laid into by an unsolicited critic. but you know me, i lap that stuff up like delicious poison!!!!

the most delighting part in all of this criticism was when the phrase LETHAL ACTIVISM was levied against me. as if i’ve ever harmed anyone or my intentions on here are to harm others!!!! i know it was levied unfairly because i know the critic. and the critic was hurt. so it was more of a personal attack designed to hurt me back for being honest.

but, for the record, my battle is against USURY.
and the spirit of USURY is not a person.

this is a lifetime struggle against an invisible demon which has been infecting the human people since long before its earliest recordings/sightings/mentionings (it is first recognized and named in the INDIAN text the Mahabharata).

USURY is a destructive LIVING FORCE that infects humans just like AIDS did (yep, the lap dogs of USURY did that, too). Usury, as a spiritual force manifests as a mental disease that leads the victim of the disease to believe that they are better than other human and non-human life forms and can enact schemes of power and control over those other humans and other life forms in taking by force the CONTROL of their reproduction cycles and sexual habits.

it is the equivalent of BESTIALITY. and many people are so delusional that they think bestiality is people fking animals. this is simply NOT TRUE.

BESTIALITY is when you (as a human force) take over the reproduction and sex rights of other species and imprison them for practical purposes.

it is an ancient prohibition because of how it leads to social disorder by OBVIOUSLY favoring those who would abuse the spirit of life to gain sht. THINK RWANDA, duh!?
it was a cow blood war started by belgian setups of economic disparity and favoritism. they used animal husbandry to divide the two populations.

and i call these sideline instigators the FOOD AND BEVERAGE cartels (F&B cartels). you’re welcome.

and BESTIALITY is a natural physical deformation of the spirit of USURY when it acquires henchmen like the F&B cartels. so is SLAVERY. and pharmaceutical drug addiction.

but back to LETHAL ACTIVISM…

as INACCURATE AND UNKIND as this attack on my personhood is — i am not this stream, i am not this essay, i have written over 1300 hundred essays and they are in the group THINK CLUB if you dare to want to know/piece together more of who you think i am. good luck keeping up, i have chased after the great spirits for decades without resting — and added to it that i practice GENTILITY and DISTANCE from other humans.

i will also protect other people’s children from harm. sometimes i will also protect others, but it might also look to some like i’m doing it as an attack against the aggressor, but those people with that view generally think more slowly AND do little in any time of REAL crisis.

they are flighters.
the cowards among our species.
ironically, these are the same cowards who later call us heroes for just doing the VERY ORDINARY THING.
their award is just more shame on people who don’t run away.

so perhaps my critic was really expressing a fear of the nearness of LETHAL ACTIVISM in our societies? perhaps the HUMAN SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE has had enough of this INFECTION of USURY in the elites of human society?

perhaps my critic is realizing for themself that the spiritual world is once again calling upon ALL OF US through "fate and destiny" (geopolitical locationing) to rise up against the weight of this construct. but my critic doesn’t even realize time has weight!!??!? pity the sciences and maths which could leave something so basic off the menu!!!

perhaps this critic has identified a rising spirit and sees in me a harbinger of this ENERGY.
fair play.

but if my words could KILL, i would say this to my critic,

"i hope you live forever!! i hope my love for you stays inside your heart and keeps you company throughout the ages!! i hope you weren’t lying about love like you are lying about most things in your life. I didn’t even want you to be free. I just wanted to have fun. WTF, playboy!!!!"

and perhaps my critic now knows that there is a greater magic than the feeble white man’s sciences of falsely identified and defined numbers, of falsely applied logics of math without philosophical support — sorry, kids, stories ALWAYS come before numbers. always have, always will. and science is just a wee little story based on astrology which converted into astronomy with the astrolabes of discovery, and then slowly headed into a collective concept that eventual gave birth to physics as the role of the "real" star interpreter took on precedence in the courts of europe. and china. and india. because there are many cultural responses to the idea of the sky and the idea of stars and the idea of rotational charting and map making. i know, it was all just for FUN right from the start [wink wink, glad the lore of the young and all the unknown lovers could chime in on all the personal criticism. ah, how disgusting and messy polyamory gets, it just never ends…].

but SERIOUSLY, it was just for fun. it still is!

the innocence of someone looking up in the sky and thinking, "there’s that ONE light again! and LOOK! the other!!!"

but this isn’t magic. it is correlation.
it’s us seeing something and going, "hey, look at that!" and then agreeing, "I SEE IT, I SEE IT, WE SEE IT". and the WE is born of this endeavor.

obviously, real magic can take place when you conjoin these correlations.

in my life real magic is grafted directly from circumstance and variables and available energy. and it is directed through the voice or the imaginative voice of the spell caster. everyone sort of already knows this. we’ve been told all about it since we were children.

for example, how many "astronauts", the children of those early astrological wanderings, have actually "touched" the surface of anything NOT human made but out of the orbit? [he falls over laughing, but all the gold bars wasted and laundered through fake space programs have piled up so high above his head that he can only see glittering skyscrapers]
www.flickr.com/photos/gazeronly/albums/72157650835706423

we are fking funny!!!
and now, how much FAKE money has been dumped into the lavish lifestyles of those employed and funded by this expansive waste of money?

this is not magic.

so to my critic, perhaps there should be some gratitude that those like me who touch these powers are kind to our critics? perhaps it would behoove said critic to acknowledge that their narcissism is not the source of my inquiries and does not direct my willingness to accept answers. i am not magical in order to entertain narcissists. that’s what hollywood is for anyway. and "court magicians". that is SLEIGHT OF HAND, which is USURY, not magic.

so what do they know of love? they still use it like a back hoe and everyone who wants a job sucks dck to get it. if you have bad knees or they get tender fast from kneeling, buy knee pads, cckskr. [and that’s a compliment if you do it well. you’ll get the job cuz anyone can act.]

so please, let me state for ALL PUBLIC RECORD that i am not a LETHAL ACTIVIST. in fact, i’d never even heard of it before.

i am a cultural activist and i fight for the spirit of humanity and the preservation of those gifts which manifest themselves as forms in our lives — community, identity, stability.

i fight against usury and those who debt-enslave others, sell weapons to kill children and their parents, sell drugs to kill the caretakers of children, and those who traffic humans or fk kids (whether by economic coercion or actual action) — so BOO HOO HOO. sue me!

or educate yourself. but please, lethal activism??!!
that’s just mean.
and i can shrug that one off.
i get it, you’re hurt.

but more importantly, there was a startling book written and released in russia (allegedly) back at the turn of the 20th century. it’s a short handbook that describes in realistic and profoundly brutal terms the manner in which a TINY group of CLAIMED ELITES can take over and enslave the masses, which are LESS HUMAN than these elites.

and while it is TRUE that the book was purportedly foisted onto a group called the LEARNED ELDERS (the kingship of jews, actually, because apparently it’s more complicated than people want to believe…) who were apparently attempting to destabilize the governments/aristocracies/oligarchs of western europe. i mean, anti-semitism was a GD section in the book stores in russia and germany and other "nation states" of the day. and apparently it was a huge section. and if you know me, i’ve been trying my best to get people to understand that the UNITED STATES is literally MANUFACTURING its own breed of anti-semitism on television and streaming. shows like AMERICAN DAD, which have had top ratings for years, are disgustingly ladened with all manner of jokes and put-downs and weird sideways. (yes, i wrote an essay about that, too, seven years ago…)

www.flickr.com/photos/gazeronly/6931096786

this is often INVERSE DUMPING. if you watched the video you’ll know what i’m talking about, as MATT WEITZMAN’s role in all of this is totally suspect:

"Matt Weitzman was born to a Jewish family[2] in Los Angeles, California. His father is Lew Weitzman, a long time literary agent for over 40 years. Matt attended American University, where he became and brother of Alpha Epsilon Pi,[3] and graduated with a communications degree. Shortly after college, he pursued acting with some success, then later began writing for television sitcoms. As a child, Weitzman was an avid comic book collector and reader of fantasy and science fiction. This is what he has called "inspiration" for upcoming projects." wiki

if you read my work, you know that i know all about the super hero creation market and who started it and how it’s literally a LOSER’S spirit buried in skin tight homosexual man worship. but you can do some of your GD research about history because darnit, there’s so much of it to swallow. let’s just say that people who are genocided (this includes homosexuals) definitely dream of striking back against their "oppressors".

and super heroes are the capitalized/capitalistic version of the pantheon gods of the ancient world.

the primary difference is that super heroes work for the highest human agencies of government control so you can see how this fantasy framework immediately instigates conspiracy and dread-laced confectionaries of BETRAYAL, DECEPTION, LIES AND MURDER. super heroes are embedded in contemporary politics, whereas the ancient "gods" are fantastical and have been relegated to olive leaves and togas. i hope this makes sense. anyway, if you read the PROTOCOLS, again, you don’t need to hear the messenger!!!!

the comic book industry is insidious and mentally deformational on young people’s minds. it is a vulgarity and glamorized FAKE body types (historically) to gain market claims before becoming powerful enough to overtake alternate markets in foreign lands. after being blown to bits in wwii, manga took off like mad in japan:
" Since the 1950s, manga has steadily become a major part of the Japanese publishing industry.[7] By 1995, the manga market in Japan was valued at ¥586.4 billion (–7 billion),[8] with annual sales of 1.9 billion manga books and manga magazines in Japan (equivalent to 15 issues per person).[9] Manga have also gained a significant worldwide audience.[10] In 2008, in the U.S. and Canada, the manga market was valued at 5 million. Manga represent 38% of the French comics market, which is equivalent to approximately ten times that of the United States.[11] In France, the manga market was valued at about €460 million (9 million) in 2005.[12] In Europe and the Middle East, the market was valued at 0 million in 2012.[13]" wiki

we could talk a long time about the after effects of being holocausted or target hunted,
but let’s get back to the PROTOCOLS!!!!

and again, who cares who wrote this book??!?!

it was written and it’s been around long enough to have been read by all humans who can read. so READ IT!!!! (then you can listen to the 27hours of information released by the u.s. governement on the four decade collusion that led to the manufacturing of 9/11. IT’S CALLED A COMMISSION REPORT in case one doesn’t already know that the U.S. released a very weird and disturbing BODY OF TEXT to the world. perhaps if YOU read it, you’d know more, too. at least you’d be able to see the amazing LIES that this nation’s government TELLS and gets CAUGHT telling and then TELLS more and gets CAUGHT telling and then TELLS more…)

anyway, who cares? i mean, let’s be liberal and BLAME all men, because FK it was a MAN who wrote the book after all. EVERYONE can agree that it was NOT written by a woman. that much is true!!!

but instead, "they" want you to believe and focus on the jewish part of authorship. and you will see this in the introduction of the book. because it’s old enough to be an antique, the book has acquired its own sense of history.

but AGAIN, i’m a gnostic. i don’t care if it is about to be written and released tomorrow for the first time ever, i think you should read it!!

it is the INFORMATION AND STRATEGIES inside the book that are so valuable.

just like every girl should STEAL the book THE GAME from somewhere and read it so she can know what SHTTY men are out there and also what shtty girlfriends do to each other.

and again, i am not the one on the cover of this SHTTY DATE RAPE HANDBOOK FOR MEN that is saying i’m of "jewish" descent. he does that himself, but again, i hope my FKING hating his book and the tricks he has gathered and compiled from america’s rich history of DATE RAPE ARTISTS doesn’t make me the bad guy. and i’m certainly not going to look at all the awesome people that i know of personally and throughout the world who call themselves jewish and think, hmmm, they’re all date rapists!!!!
nope, just him.
and harvey weinstein.
and what do we call people who go to date rapes on purpose more than once? are they victimizing the date rapist? i get so confused when there is such a moral sexual breakdown in breeder semantics. if you have to give hed to get ahed, how many times do you have to give hed and STAY AHED?

like am i supposed to hate catholics because machiavelli wrote a political treatise on how the medici’s could do the same thing to their own people — fiscally date rape and murder their peers? rather, you should hate the catholic state for its actions and historical thuggery and it’s sexual violations against thousands and thousands of boys. that would make a lot more sense instead of putting it on the dupes who fall for such drivel.
and i’m so distrustful i’m like, "what is the vatican hiding that they are willing to use PEDOPHILIA as a distraction?!?!" HLY FK!!!! how come we never go for real answers?!?!"

but isn’t that how REVERSE DUMPING works?

just ask MALCOM X!!!!!
here’s a quote you can look at:
""the F.B.I. can feed information to the press that makes your neighbor think you are something subversive. the F.B.I. can do this very skillfully. they maneuver the press on a national scale and the C.I.A. maneuvers the press on an international scale" 1964

and let’s be honest, that was 55 fking years ago!!!! do you not think that the information societies that play nation states like checker pieces haven’t become paranormous?

when/if you get to the FACEBOOK essay down below, you’ll see this more clearly and you will understand how it’s a TRILLIONAIRE’s front who is using SCHOOLS and their products — including zuckerberg’s whole life (he’s being "hannah montana-ed©"!!!) — as fronts to generate dominant world control of new surveillance technology and ALL of its advancements.

so you do know malcom got reversed dumped, right!?!?! you DO at least know that, right? and you do know that whenever black men of power rise they are beaten down with the myriad temptations of the USURERs CLUB (drugs, sex, power, alcohol, attention). and if that doesn’t work, assassination.

that’s hardcore REVERSE DUMPING.
whites usually don’t end up getting the bullet, poor Vincent foster…

but in our real world, in our daily lives, SOFTCORE reverse dumping happens when you tell someone honestly that they have a problem and then suddenly they try to reduce your world to ruins simply because you objected to THEIR DISHONESTY or TREACHERY or UNKINDNESS or ECONOMIC SLANDERING. suddenly, for saying, "hey!! you’re lying to me!!!" i am the LETHAL ACTIVIST? "hey! you’re giving people AIDS!! and i’m the LETHAL ACTIVIST? and worse, somehow giving people AIDS on purpose is better than FIGHTING BACK? better than letting them do it again to a new target group? really?

but it’s true. if you say anything about this book, you are probably going to be labeled anti-semitic.

but for me, that’s the LIE. i have hung out with way too many cool people that i admired and respected and adored and have also been HIGHLY influenced by to care about their JEWISHNESS. more often than not, i wasn’t even concerned with their "jewishness". if they wanted to share their ideas and what this "meant" to them, they would. not unlike gays who must constantly come out of the closet so that people don’t accidentally say something irrevocably hateful because they couldn’t tell the person was gay because they weren’t having sex in front of them and there were no other visual clues.

as a homo, i resent people who would take an entire ethnicity or culture or way of being and say EVERYONE in this "fake group" is

a: in agreement with each other
b: the same
c: so easily reducible

these are things STUPID (by choice) and IGNORANT (disengagement and self-interested) people share — judging LITERAL groups that have been intellectually arranged on very BARE and SEPARATIZING notions is PRIMARY BULLSHT. and the USURERS love this because it deflects from the FACT that they are a REAL GROUP in their "servitude" to the demonic forces of USURY. read plato if you need to understand some of things socrates was railing on against.

so USURY forces us to talk about these FAKE CLUSTERS or SHARDS as if they are real and have a genuine existence. they don’t, they’re just like everything else — they are proximity ideas that will die and pass away. there is a historylessness to most of us.

as a result these dynamics are all constructs of fate and birth. you happen to be colombian, you happen to be vietnamese, you happen to be [insert something here], cuz you’re just a gosh dern human at the beginning and the end.

they are all mutable and they all come with their own seeds of separation and distinction. they all create their own INTERIOR hierarchies where they enact the same

all that aside, the truth is that this book is FKNG amazing. and you’d know if you read it. it’s BRILLIANT and the game is on.

it is a playbook for raping the little people who don’t matter. it’s where the original idea of a MASTER CARD comes from, for fks sake!!!!! it is the birth of the credit system we fking use everywhere these days!!!!

but i guess most of you don’t realize that our dear president in the 1920s read this short work of political theory. that alone should give you cause to go and read it just to see how useful this information is and how much of it is CURRRENTLY IN USE and how easily it would be to dismantle this strangulation if more people would educate themselves instead of fking around indulging in their side lives of debauchery and social mayhem, lol. but those are the treats of the USURER!!

take more loans!! live beyond your means!!!!

and now that we are again in a period where ANTI-SEMETISM is being blatantly and openly promoted by ECONOMICALLY PRONGED SEMITES (why is it so cool to throw your own people in front of the bus for your cause? who told you that was legit politics? — seriously, look at the producers of almost any television show. you will immediately start to see a trend that is alarming — as if anyone is still even reading this essay. but if you are an american who was of asian descent you might notice the clear absence of your ethnicity on television and in television production roles. but china and japan and many other countries in those regions have their own ENTERTAINMENT CARTELS in full-swing, too. but in "america" you have to admit really fast that NPR and other outlets of alleged news are stocked and renewed with a fk lot of people who also identify with minority groups that have been historically punished throughout centuries for running USURY GAMES on the "humans" they deemed less worthy.

and you should be able to figure out that i’m not talking about homos. but you can do your research instead of lambasting me for referring to the idea that there are ACTUAL DATA POINTS worth noting. after all, isn’t the OLD TESTAMENT the most anti-semitic book ever written? i’ve read it. it’s a history of shtty people who never got along with anybody and it always ends in genocide and slavery. i’m fking literate!!!! i didn’t write that GD book!! i just read it. it’s fking anti-semitic.

so if you are curious instead of a KNEE-JERK, read the protocols and you will find out that i’m not SAYING ANYTHING, i’m just the messenger alerting LAZY FKRS that sht is going on and has been in process for over a century. it’s NOT new.

further, i’m just the guy who got jumped by the side of the road and there was no good samaritan to assist me.

but, i survived. and now, i know how to spot the robbers. i’ve been jumped endlessly since then. i learned from camille paglia that einstein was wrong.

repeating the same act over and over again actually does eventually lead to breakthrough depending on who is performing the experiment. WE are the magical element in science!!!! it’s OUR imagination that gives science life, not the other way around.

and, unlucky for me, my "self constructs" have been shattered so many times that i no longer perceive information the way i did when i could hide behind those constructs. i’ve been lied to and cheated on in every imaginable way. i scare the SHT out of people with how quickly i unravel all their hateful lies in person. people are scared to be around me because i can "see" their sins and write them in the sand — they become terrified of my experience.

alternately, only by accident, have i lied and cheated. and when i do, i grovel back and apologize and i take it on myself to acknowledge my awfulness. and i don’t PRETEND that i deserve forgiveness.

lucky for me, this is very rare and usually under strange and weirdly unimportant circumstantial moments when the character or nature of another being alters my balance. that is to say, i remember almost every lie i’ve ever told and how it hurt the person or aided me to my "advantage".

and i didn’t like myself as a liar. i have a good memory and i don’t practice denial. it is not the gnostic way. denial does not lead to KNOWING. i don’t want to be with a lover or a friend and know that i lie to them or told them a lie. i find that so uncomfortable and disgusting and faithless.

lying is humanity’s greatest toy. and people play with it constantly. and then they are old and feel stupid about how they spent their lives. yay!

research can lead you to a different outcome. and if you take the time to read this political tract, you won’t need me to explain anything to you.

instead you will read the words which are well over one hundred years old at this point. and who cares about its origin or anti-semitism?!??! study the ACTUAL CONTENT. it is like a book of magic spells (barely, magic is so much cooler). learn to see that to this fking day people use ANTI-SEMITISM to keep you from reading the book. they don’t want you to know about it. they want you to ignore this book. and THEY are white, yellow, blue, green and red, for all you COLOR CODED RACISTS who think people are GD colors!!!! THEY are the oligarchs and secret emperors who control the drug trade, the weapons disbursement programs and the natural resource allotments for "nation states" — the USURERS’ favorite little pet projects and "clients".

if you take time to read this tract (it’s only about 100 pages), the realizations will also help elucidate a lot of things about the history of HUMANS who have actively used these techniques to undermine cultures and societies wherever they go. they are information collectors and litigators. these are their tools to bind.

but first, to give you some boundaries on this, i will use myself as an example.

let’s make it personal for just one second…

as a HOMOSEXUAL who was tortured as a four year old child and had my penis raped with a steel object by a white male doctor in his thirties under the auspices of something medical — no one will tell me to this day what the reason was for doing this to two little boys, two pretty decent little twins — i have spent my life being degraded and humiliated by other people for not running away from the horror that overtook my life.

for example, even before i thought i was gay my father completely disowned me for "having a negative reaction" to being raped in the dck. he came home and found two crazy kids instead of the fun ones he’d maybe seen the day before. he told me very directly when i was 28 that he had come home one day when i was about four and i was a "cold, aloof and a distant prick." those were his exact words. and this was before i knew what had happened. and i said, that sounds like child abuse! he said, "i figured if you wanted to be that way, i could be that way, too." and he never talked to me or touched me again. and i mean LITERALLY. in speech he shifted over to using only the objective command form of language from then on. it was very isolating, but i was terrified of him anyway since he used corporal punishment in the same way male hookers in hollywood use cocaine — liberally when available!!!!

anyway, i didn’t find out till age seven that "fag" and "fairy" and "queer" somehow vaguely applied to me like a death sentence… san diego was very homophobic and murderous and one of the pilot cities where the idea of a "hate crime" was born to separate HUMAN HUNTERS from ordinary murderers…

so as a child i was terrified of going into a bath room with other men/males after this episode. and this meant ALL public bathrooms.

i was literally terrified that i would be brutalized again. every time i had to urinate and was out in the world, i became desperately afraid that if i went into the bathroom and couldn’t lock everyone out, i would be raped again. that’s how four year olds perceive the world. once raped, ten times shy.

and the horror of this was with me constantly. weirdly, i had no memories of the incident. it had shattered my mind, my being, everything about me.

i only "know" it happened because I demanded to know at least the dates when it became clear that it had actually happened (there were two follow up visits to the damage). my twin brother never forgot it. somehow, his mind stayed in tact during the episode. during my childhood he would frequently bring up the event but he was just four years old as well. all he could actually remember was the book he was reading in the waiting room before it happened. and weirdly, i, too, remember the entire book that i was reading.

and sadly, he hated me for not remembering. all i remember is that he kept saying something about a farm bird ( a red rooster) over and over again asking me if i remembered. but i had no idea what it meant. finally, when i was 38 he actually told me. he had no idea that i had no memories and he thought i was colluding against him all these years.

his book was about a red rooster.
my book was about a little red hen, which is also the title of the book. the little red hen wants to make bread but also wants company during the process and seeks that instead of making bread. finally, in desperation, the little animal gives up and goes out to do ALL the tasks to make bread. then, the bitter pill at the end, the smell of the baking bread brings ALL the other animals that were asked for help. they all want baked bread!!!! heheheh.

then the doctor stuck a sounding device (metal rod) up our dicks. i don’t remember that part.

so yes, scott has shame!!!!
i can’t remember. it sits on top of me like a desperate crime committed by someone else.

forgive me if i want to make sure that this stuff doesn’t happen to other children while their mother is in the waiting room. forgive me if i don’t trust doctors and lawyers and mortgage brokers and bankers. forgive me if i know their dark side.

i guess that’s why i am a "living sign" of this shame. so be it. i will be brave. i can withstand the shame of others. besides, it is PERSONAL shame that i have no room for in my life — the shame one lavishes up for oneself — a shame that has come from within instead of from without. a shame that sickens the GOD within and ails its arrival. this is the shame of INTENTIONAL DECEPTION and TRICKERY.

at least my shame has been given to me by society.

it’s not mine, which is why i can use it in magic. and it’s surprisingly powerful. and most people know this, because there is so much shame in these essays i write. it’s almost unbearable, which is why so few readers make it to the end of any of them. again, this is intentional.

i don’t want all of you to suffer. just those of you who have the courage to stare into the horror without flinching. just those of you who are actually brave enough to become REALIZED.

so my magic of shame erodes and undermines everyone who reads these essays all the way through to the end. and these few readers are the only audience i care about. because they are agents of change. they can taste the poison and find the cure. it is our task!!! and they know it, too.

like me, they have made it their goal to make sure that people who think this kind of behavior is “okay” are taken out of positions of power. and i use these essays that i write to plant seeds and to allow others to see their voice in another, because i KNOW i’m not alone.

when PHILOMEL’s tongue was ripped from her throat, the gods made a new bird that could sing that shameful crime of the king who raped her and then tried to silence her by stealing her voice.

i don’t write these essays because i think ANYONE reads them and goes, “right on!! i’m hitting the fave button!!!"

i write these essays and do the research so that those whose voices are being ripped away can use their new wings to be more than a bird song. so few, these birds who will now fly and sing!

in fact, i don’t imagine most people make it to the end of any of these “essays”. it’s a MACHINE GUN MASSACRE form of writing that INTENTIONALLY only speaks to one or two people who WILL make changes. the INFORMATION will change them — it will not be me, it will not be my personality and it will not be my writing “style”. it will be the idea of the truths that reach into their hearts. and the truth hurts all the time. but even if it doesn’t set you free, it liberates you from LYING!!!! and the lying must stop.

so, as an open HOMOSEXUAL (though it could be easily argued that sexual abuse caused a major deviation), i’ve been clustered grouped my whole life with a stunning array of MEN who are also drawn into the actions of sex with other men. and even in our tiny percentage of ABNORMALITY, there are stand-outs. and these stands out are traditionally distinguished separately.

these stand-outs were called FAGS and TRANNIES and LADY MEN and QUEENS. these are the homosexuals who have serious disagreements with normalized “GENDER ISSUES”.

they are also the most ANTI-MALE of the homosexual community and often dipped/drenched in STEALTH AND TRICKERY AND DECEPTION as a means of counter-balancing the wretchedness of interior feelings and the way the outside society has responded/treated/abused them as people.

they are notably, an attention-deficient group of people who are deeply damaged and wounded from an early age for being different and expressing that difference. the negative treatment reiterates the behavior and more often than not practicers of this type of homosexuality are drawn to the whoredom of the female sexual personae — they end up enacting the slutty side of female sex behavior.

this in turns creates a repulsion in the normalized community — holy sht, a man-woman slut that is parading full-speed and lecherously commanding the attention of everyone or anyone around them.

but isn’t this just the succubus? this isn’t really a homosexual thing as much as it is a social deviation away from the norms that repress and punish homosexuality. the desire to be butterfly attractive is a REACTIONARY stance. it’s not generative and creative. it’s a deviation and a lash-back. it’s a way of vamping. and this same horror is being practiced in the emerging "trans" community. using THEY and THEM to separately disassociate from those who came before is a sign of grammatical desperation. US and WE would be the right choice and the trans community, by allowing the MEDIA to take THEMS over, are being used in the exact same way homos were used — to POLARIZE the majority which makes it easier for banks to weasel into people’s lives with cheap loans and get people to vote for gigantic tax breaks for corporations. but i get it, most of you are TREE PEOPLE and you don’t know you live in a forest. well, not until there’s a fire or the tree cutters show up…

so let’s be serous, having DRAG QUEENS and limp-wristed female copyists representing a community of men who are mostly MARRIED FATHERS is pretty fkt up. right?

because how does that seem like a mature or realized way of embracing the circumstances — that we aren’t allowed to be who we are.

it’s a "DRAG up". it’s dressing like royalty when you’re a pauper. it’s a halloween night that everyone wants to forget later.

in the meantime, the vast majority of homosexuals remain invisible out of fear of being lumped together with the strange HARVEY MILK FREAKS that keep getting chosen to reflect the community.

and the media has been using this polarizing effect to control voting in the united states for the past ten years. the fake front that controls the media now pits homosexuals against others. it pits cops against fking crazy criminals. it promotes car crashes as news. it tracks weather mods and pretends that it’s actually REAL weather instead of manipulated fkery (to this day it is so strange to me that there aren’t classes being taught about this stuff). and it ALWAYS supports tourism unless the intended country is being sanctioned by the invisible front. then they run bad ads.

and i don’t know why all of you don’t know this already. malcom x was pretty clear about it and was even killed for being so clear about it: that is,

and I QUOTE

and our human society is super pissed off at the idea of a polygendered society. this is not the USURER’s dream. polygenderism does not put bi-polar gender PARENTING at the forefront of all life. and this would devastate the USURERS. because if PARENTS are the focus of CHILDREN, then the parents become natural "marks" for taking LOANS.

you can loan money to people who need/are told to want stuff for their kids. you can TRAP THEM INTO DEBT SLAVERY very easily by making the ownership of HOMES and CARS and EDUCATION priorities of the capitalistic construct. forget food, clean air and water. those debts will come after these other debts destroy the vast resources of air, water and food. the INTENTIONAL famine is being constructed so fast right now in the city with UBER EATS and AMAZON food delivery. perhaps you need to go back and read that little story in the bible where JOSEPH, while sleeping with the pharoah’s wife, tells the pharaoh that if he really wants to be a great pharaoh all he has to do is create the illusion of prosperity for seven years and then follow it with seven years of mayhem and famine.
in this manner, the pharaoh could take over all of his lesser sub-servants’ territories through economic strangulation on the food and water.

but let’s be HONEST!!!!

GENDER ISN’T SEX. so these gender benders NEVER really represented the homosexual community anyway. nor did HARVEY MILK, though now there is a concentrated effort to make him the FACE OF THE "GAY MOVEMENT". ah, how fking sick are we?!?!? harvey milk was the ultimate HOMOPHOBE. just read his history!!!! he preyed on desperate young men, NYC lawyers thought he was scum (arrogant, haughty and a ditch) and we all know what scum 85% of NYC lawyers are… or just lawyers in general, i shouldn’t specifically lay into manhattan fks like our dumptruck fake president.

so back to the story — HOMOSEXUALITY is just SEX WITH MEN BETWEEN MEN. it’s not about relationshipping. that’s GAY stuff. gays are the men and women who are brave enough to simply NOT CARE about the societies in which they exist and choose to be open about their desire to RELATE with their own sex. and this makes a community of sorts. it brings like toward like and cretes "ghettos".

but remember this: BRAVERY is the one thing that almost all humans admire about our collectively shared spirit.

NONETHELESS, as a homosexual man, having a flaming flirtatious, narcissistic sht like HARVEY MILK representing the “gay community” is a fking farce. it’s the WORST example that could be chosen. but harvey milk belongs to the AD MACHINE in fake jewish hollywood. however, AGAIN!!!! if you read about his life ONLY a little bit, you will see what a loser he was and that he actually DID NOTHING while he was in political office (a mere ten months before an angry fellow employee iced him!!!).

in fact, all harvey milk did was get elected. is that HEROIC?

instead, he just pissed an irish catholic white man named dan white off and dan shot his sorry ass for fun, so kicking off the TWINKIE TRIALS where "sugar" was the culprit.

is that heroic? is that a hero? he literally was so shtty that he was shot incidentally. but don’t forget, he also aided and abetted in the suicide of one of his desperate young fk buddies that he preyed upon. the guy was a mess. he embezzled and used people like toilet paper. seriously, you can look this all up.

and if harvey isn’t enough of a reflection of this strange absurdity, we have HERCALES as our example of a greek hero.
and what a silly life he lived! he ended up being killed with centaur blood because his wife just wanted him to be faithful. Νέσσος had the last laugh in the end because he knew his blood would kill heracles and that this was the joke — a dead hero can’t be faithless. get it?!!??

and for the record, i’m going to list the VERBS that are attached to each one of Heracles 12 feats (sometimes called labors), which oddly read like a new drinking party game called STEAL, CAPTURE, SLAY:

SLAY
SLAY
CAPTURE
CAPTURE
CLEAN
SLAY
CAPTURE
STEAL
OBTAIN
OBTAIN
STEAL
CAPTURE cerberus
"Heracles says that, although Eurystheus commanded him to bring back Cerberus, it was not from any desire to see Cerberus, but only because Eurystheus thought that the task was impossible." hahahaha, poor cerberus — a three-headed barking dog tooled to the end.

so let’s be real now, is this a “HERO” according to the histories that we keep. these are the actions and accomplishments of a "hero"?

HERACLES’ FEATS, which you can see by the verbs, are pretty straightforward — SLAY, CAPTURE, STEAL, OBTAIN and one menial labor of cleaning out horse stables…

well darn, so much for heroes. especially now when people refer to common soldiers as heroes instead of corporate thug-pawns protecting non-national oligarchical interests in faraway lands at the expense of actual HUMANS.

nothing new there, right? no wonder people made up a CHRIST to try to sort through the FK and KILL schemes of the human condition.

anyway, my point is that when you allow a BAD ROLE MODEL to represent an entire community, it allows bigger communities to PERSECUTE AND TERRORIZE the entire subset community.

AIDS for example was used to terrorize ALL homosexual men. its purpose was LITERALLY to free up the uranium 235 that gets converted “upwards” to uranium 238. so if the african people were enmeshed in a variety of health/life crises they wouldn’t be able to stand up to the western powers and take “control” of the “resource” that was under the land they lived on doing nothing for them.

so voila! — a disease starts in africa with ORAL VACCINES distributed by the JONAS SALK institute. this disease found its way into the gay community quickly due to the nature of sex practices or some other dastardly design — there is a patient O (as in OH, not ZERO). in this case it stood for "out of california, because the was no actual patient zero, AIDS broke out in several places simulatneously in the united states (and remember the first wave of AIDS had an incubation period where you could go over a decade without showing any symptoms.)

"Gaëtan Dugas (French: [ɡaetɑ̃ dyɡa]; February 20, 1953 – March 30, 1984), a Canadian flight attendant, was a relatively early HIV patient who once was widely regarded as "Patient Zero" or the primary case for AIDS in the United States. "

and we don’t need to argue about who it was at the institute who tainted the vaccines. they did. that’s all you need to know. it was intentional.

and recently, i brushed up against a worker who is in the WAR PROMOTION industry that keeps this nation fat and rich and over-medicated. i heard what i already know — there is a cone of information silence at every level as you ascend. the higher you rise, the dirtier you get. this man, for example, produced a working model for the exact point at which a toxic agent will collapse your breathing tissues in your throat. it is a bio-mechanical “model” which is now used to identify the amounts of any of these toxic agents you need to dump on a population to get the results you want. oddly, he doesn’t take any responsibility for this work or the way in which the work is used around the world now and SOLD to other governments and information societies.

so this CONE OF SILENCE methodology is exactly what allows 99.99999% of the good/stupid people to feel fine about the shtty things they are doing and creating while the .00000001% adds the TAINTED POISONS and TOXINS at the last second.

and, as i was saying earlier, that’s what this book THE PROTOCOLS of the LEARNED ELDERS of ZION is about — how to become the .000000001% and subdue the majority. and who cares whether russian anti-semites wrotes it? does that change the EDUCATIONAL VALUE of the CONTENT INFORMATION? or is that just there to keep people from reading it? ANYONE can use the information, for example, duh!!!! ANYONE.

i mean do people listen to pop songs sung by women about getting nasty and dirty and sexual and think, HEY, A MAN WROTE THAT!!!! they should. 99% of weird love songs from the seventies in the world of disco — which brought us cocaine, tight pants and a general hedonistic sense of ennui — are written and arranged by men.

songs like "so many men, so little time" which proudly make all manner of boisterous claims to female sexuality are just fkt up lies written by men hiding behind their human props. but people don’t think that, they think, "YO! that woman wants to be fkt!" but it was really IAN LEVINE.

so we need to ask ourselves, did this fear of anti-semitism, for example, stop WHITE WESTERN OLIGARCHS from benefitting from the strategies presented? and why wouldn’t ANYBODY in china also read this text to gain a superiority over their enemy? why wouldn’t anyone who was infected with the taint of USURY not find this effective?

people in the U.S. study the book THE ART OF WAR, which is hilarious, as there is no such “art”. art has no FKING PURPOSE that kills people. it is the EXACT OPPOSITE OF ART. it should be called the "FKERY OF WAR and how to win". that would be more direct.

but i don’t hear everyone getting all up in china’s business and calling the nation a bunch of euphemistic hate slurs about murder and warfare. and rightfully so, it’s just a book and most people don’t care about books.

so if i get all up in the business of the PEOPLE who are using the book to murder and squelch the human spirit around the world, please don’t call me anti-semitic. and if i write essays about how parents are the very worst thing about children, please don’t call me anti-breeder. oh, wait, no, please do!!! i’m definitely upset with the way you people breed and then abandon your children.

and a note to all of you who think cheating is only an issue between you and your husband or you and your wife, maybe you should wake up to the fact that you’re cheating on your children almost more than your spouse. worse, your cheating will alter the entire development of your children whether they know it or not. the SICKNESS of your dishonesty will fester its way into the very essence of their personalities. and this is the sin that is spoken of that passes from “father to child”.

when jesus did his showdown with the men who were about to murder a woman for fcking around with other men against her husband, we are told that jesus started drawing nasty pictures in the dirt of the men and the fkt up stuff that they had done. one by one as the pictures emerged, the men judged themselves on what they saw and left.

and here’s where christians FK the story up as usual. they claim that JESUS forgave the woman. but this is not true. JESUS did not forgive the woman. instead he said the very worst thing you could possibly say — literally the most deviant thing of all to commission a human with — he said GO AND SIN NO MORE.

and to this day, when people ask me to forgive them, and i’m feeling generous, that’s what i say.

GO AND SIN NO MORE!!!!

why do i care about your sins against me?
i haven’t held onto them.
i have no forgiveness for anyone. i am not a christian.
i am not weak and pathetic.
i do not need salvation and i am not a sinner.

i am a gnostic.
we do our best to NEVER lie to ourselves or others.
we do our best to NEVER do things we hate.

that’s it. we’re not complicated. we don’t have agendas.
we’re not out to sucker-punch you. we want to see GOD emerging from you as you are!

we carry love and intelligence.
we believe that the GOD is inside of you (not that you are the god!)
your job is to the let the GOD out.

that’s it.

but apparently the whole lying and cheating thing is too much for everyone (cheating is when you support a lie through omission or design a lie to be directly misleading, etc.)

personally, i find it amazingly exciting not to be able to lie or scurry sideways.
it’s so EASY to lie.
and once you start, why stop?

which leads us to the real essay about a man who went to an entitled school and designed a very remedial app that was chosen by the invisible empire to collect information and behavioral patterns from weak people who need attention. also known as FACEBOOK.

***************************

look how far we’ve come & ""CONGRESS MAN, YES" & several of the reasons why USURER’S LOGIC makes FACEBOOK the future press darlings of 2018", scott richard image and painting from 2012 (original photo from 2010)

PRESS PLAY

i love you, i know
yello (1983)

an essay that cites TONS of quotes and incidents from the recent congressional meeting regarding FACEBOOK taking over the world and why you should have invested when i told you to invest… i did. just so proof would equal pudding.

(FYI the stock went up to 208 from 164 two weeks after this essay was written. it’s back down to what it was at that time again. facebook is spreading its profits into subsids now, so it’s not on my BUY NOW list. but if you can smell out the little geniuses facebook intends to buy, you might be able to find some juicy investments. i still believe that tesla will produce some kind of design innovation that will be purchasable for worldwide distribution…)

"CONGRESS MAN, YES" & several of the reasons why USURER’S LOGIC makes FACEBOOK the future press darlings of 2018 and beyond based on the CONGRESSIONAL HEARINGS + transcript notes and observations by scott richard

usury sucks for everyone. even those who profit.

and we don’t FIGHT USURY.

we fk it until it destroys everything around us.

FB means fk buddy, literally, not facebook…

anyway, i know from great and long experience that americans graft their identity concepts from the products and services they use and abuse.

you can’t go broke betting on the fall.

to not buy FACEBOOK stock would be like turning down a 50% off willy wonka chocolate bar that ALSO comes with a free golden ticket to the chocolate factory.

so while i listened and periodically watched the 5 hours of boring and often JUVENILE hearings, i couldn’t help thinking how clever deception really is. FACEBOOK does soooo many things that you have no idea about.

where did you think all that FAKE money was going?

and it was sooooo touching when a couple of the congress people dared to ask when mark would stop selling OPIOID DRUGS off FACEBOOK. he conveniently said, never.

but don’t worry, the u.s. sent it’s least qualified people to talk to FACEBOOK about this, lol.

i mean, the vast majority of these congresspeople were like children who have no clue about adult concepts.

for example, not one congressperson asked if those "privacy settings" weren’t hackable — as in something so FKING SIMPLE like "well, a hacker can hack past those infantile settings." instead, they gave zuckerberg the legal opportunity to talk-stall his way out of their four minutes. it was EMBARRASSING to see how stupid most of these congresspeople really are and how unlearned about important tech philosophy. most of them had no idea even what "privacy settings" were, so many spent their four minutes being "schooled". fking waste. that’s like sending me to the olympics for weightlifting…

so the first problem is that congresspeople don’t really know a lot about anything. in general, they are "OUT OF THE GD LOOP" when it comes to understanding worldwide things like the fking INTERNET!!??! they know a little about a lot.

anyway, each congressperson was given four minutes to ask zuckerberg questions about what happened.

the LARGE majority wasted these minutes with grandstanding. only a handful seemed to have an inkling of what the real reach and danger and anti-American stance that FACEBOOK has against the united states.

so instead of gathering relevant testimony and commitment from FACEBOOK on super important legal issues regarding citizenship protection and unethical information exchange, they paraded themselves for THEIR fake american constituent’s votes. it was DISGUSTING. how fking shallow bipartisan azzhoes really are.

instead of REPRESENTING AMERICA, they represented their own careers.

and honestly, every single person on MEDZ or overeating or over drinking these days is acting like an ANTI-AMERICAN. supremacy is also a form of ANTI-AMERICANISM.

we’ve reached a point where our daily choices are becoming ANTI-AMERICAN and in violation of other citizens’ rights to be free. but i guess we don’t see it clearly, mostly.

in the city, it is much more obvious. especially a FAKE SANCTUARY city like san francisco, the sanctuary is REALLY being given to the monied and the foreign investors, not the locals. it’s a FAKE moniker for investors, not a representation of anything more. but most people are like these congresspeople — out to get more votes from their base. but that’s not AMERICAN. that’s just regional self-interest.

thankfully, there were a few exceptions and those ones were AWESOME to hear. they were incredibly revealing. and it is clear that their voices are being thrown out. so that’s a drag, but you can’t really stop FACEBOOK. they are not a social platform. they are the world’s largest company and they fund TONS of stuff around the globe.

for example, FACEBOOK is going to have the largest WORLDWIDE "counterterrorism" team. already there team is competitive with world powers. soon, they will be larger than any nation’s.

now, those of us who are in the know, well, we KNOW that the COUNTERTERRORISTS are the real terrorists.

if you listen to the 9/11 commission report you would know this, too. or, if you listened to anything the islamic world is saying you’d know this, too. but i already know you don’t listen to those people.

doesn’t change the truth — the COUNTERRERRORISTS are the real terrorists.

so now FACEBOOK will be the leading force in this deception.

already they have over 200 people working full time in 30 different languages in counterterrorism.

if you don’t get what this means, you should go read my facebook farewell that i wrote about two years ago when i stopped contributing to the largest surveillance system ever built and used against humanity.

i had written a similar program concept in the 90s. it was called CYBERBUDDY.

the idea was you would input your info into a program (we call them apps now) that tracked your emotional and physical world by remembering everything you input and being able to remind you of things — how you felt about others, what had happened and what others had done to you.

and, as all the social media programs do, it would have a backside that was constantly selling your information to buyers.

but the user never knew this.

anyway, that’s exactly what FACEBOOK did. and let’s be honest, FACEBOOK was CHOSEN.

it’s not that great.

there were way better platform possibilities. but the world cartels needed something legit, so they chose the HARVARD-based platform. and it worked. they inserted the most deviant and self-revealing and WORSE betraying platform known to humans.

this congressperson is holding up a chart. it shows FACEBOOK’s profits.

they are escalating exponentially. from 1 billion in 2006 to 26 billion in 2016 and then WATCH THE FKING LEAP!!!!

40 BILLION dollars in 2017.

buy now. you won’t be crying later.

anyway, zuckerberg intends to have more than 20,000 people working on counterterrorism within a year or so. they are also building an endless array of surveillance and algorithmic tools that will affect ALL world trade. they are also deeply involved in ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE development.

basically, if you wanted an anti christ of jewish origins, you are looking at the rise of the kingship. but if you’re not scared and don’t go that way right away, dip into OVERHEAD STUDIES to see just how amazingly controlling all of this is when you also have KILL DRONES and security enforcement.

already OVERHEAD STUDIES are being used against the u.s. population to imprison us.

anyway, for most people this will seem crazy and like a new gibberish. so be it.

i started to take notes about a third of the way into process when i started to get a feel for how the "hearings" work. it was new for me, but i’ll post the transcript of my notes which are a lot of actual transcriptting.

the republicans are all for it and that’s why you should bet on FACEBOOK. especially since the majority of FACEBOOK’s users are and will be NOT from america. so our "opinion" of this is just that.

FACEBOOK is bigger than the u.s. government and for the record, the whole counterterrorism surveillance team works from outside the u.s.

where there are different laws…

okay, so here’s the transcript which i LAUGHINGLY call:

CONGRESS MAN, YES

because this is the tactic zuckerberg and his lawyers realized was the WINNING COMBO.

who knew congresspeople were so fking stupid? especially from the stupid states. geez.

no wonder so many extra-foreigners are making a bid at stealing so much of the united states’ property.

it must be fking easy with so many dum fks.

and to those congress people who used this momentous occasion to further their careers instead of protecting the american public, FKU!!!!!

*********************************

PRESS PLAY

no stars

figures on a beach

the partial notes:

CONGRESSMAN, YES

i would love to be a congressperson, but to be one, i would have to not understand any of this. so why are they “representing” us??!?!?!

zuckerbergs tactics.

agree with the person.

deflect away from the topic by using their weakness and lack of knowledge.

obscure the truth. pretend you’re not a MASSIVE CONGLOMERATE but a calendar site for connecting people’s lives HALLMARK.

once zuckerberg figures out how to run the clock down, he takes over everytime.

some senators (usually republican) have long winded and meaningless monologues followed by easy to answer questions of no importance except to wind the four minute clock down.

20K employees for content control.

some senators (usually democratic) try to get him to answer YES OR NO questions. his tactic for stalling in this case is deflect back to their misunderstanding of the precise language or meaning. it makes them look dumb (a lot of the are and don’t understand why FACEBOOK is such a walking/talking front for a secret information and collection agency as well as worldwide product mouthpiece)

the best questions take all four minutes and then zuckerberg can deflect easily. fk that!!!

NOT A SINGLE CONGRESS PERSON (well, maybe one, but he petered out oddly) got through their questions. most had MANY left and were forced to “submit” them for consideration. BULLSHIT!!!!

SMASHFACE his “prank” site.

"we’re getting ready to overreact”

we do nothing or we overreact!

you need to save your ship?

diamond and silk. african american women.

what is unsafe about two women supporting donald trump?

mr. schrader from oregon.

do you delete and save.

yes.. all things saved.

document retention policy.

preserve mails/conversations

testified that you don’t sell information.

but others do. aren’t you complicit?

"complaint only” enforcement.

kennedy democrat

wasted the whole time trying to explain himself.

“i’m sorry, i don’t understand your question.”

targeting options are shared likes. shared by facebook.

ad ranking. meta data. behaviors. newsfeed. relevancy vs. GIVING to advertisers.

how do people then “own” their own data?

then gets lost in the process and time runs out.

part of the rub

second you focus the individual instead of societal impact… you’re out of time.

but news and media. blah blah blah

mr flores. texas

large oil company monopoly 1800s 1900s

telecom company monopoly in the70s

thanks for being good.

wasted the whole time with a bizarre lecture.

conservatives are mad about BIAS.

they can’t see past their stupidity.

policy responses.

ideological agnosticism regarding their users public facing activities

finally, some questions. do you believe FACEBOOK SHOULD BE IDEOLOGICALLY NEUTRAL?

i agree we should be a platform for all ideas. [cuts him off and moves to next question. bam! yeah!!

with respect to privacy we need a baseline when we talk about a virtual person, name address websites visited, picture, etc. ownership issue is the individual’s creation.

they own it.

do you agree.

yes.

use of data issue and full disclosure for unlimited time.

easy understand.

runs out of time.

california

mr cardenas

biggest business model and totally unregulated.

shows shareholder revenues table

2009 net revenue less than a billion dollars

26 billion for 2016

40 billion dollars for 2017

CEO of cambridge analytica stepped down during the meeting.

does that solve the issue around the controversy.

no, two issues. how were they able to buy data from a developer that people chose to share it with? but some of the info originated on facebook.

people had it on facebook and CHOSE to share their AND their friend’s information…

question:

buy information to add or augment to build around them their profile.

we just recently announced that we’ve stopped working with data brokers as part of the ad system.

yes, standard practice.

you did engage in it.

yes. until we announced we were shutting it did.

facebook threatened to sue the guardian if it revelaed the cambridge analytica story.

hey maybe you don’t want to do that.

“there may have been an specific factual inaccuracy.”

however they did go through with it regardless.

then ONLY then did facebook apologize for 89 million users info ending up in other people’s hands.

it’s time that you FACEBOOK want to be a leader and american you can be a leader.

are you committed to being a leader. you can in fact do right by users of facebook.

time’s out. two second answer?

"i am definitely committed to taking a broader review of our responsibility. not so that we don’t just give people tools but so they are used for good.”

first five or ten minute , ten minute recess.

5;40

TWENTY FUCKING MINUTES LATER…

mre. brooks indiana

platform of facebook and other platforms help keep us safe from terrorists and recruitment of women and children to join terrorist organizations.

facebook didn’t exist before 9/11

isis and al acaida use these platforms.

terrorism recruitment.

now terrorists use social media.

then you talked about dangerous or objectionable content needing to be reported but what if they don’t? what if people just assume that someone else is reporting.

what is the leadership role of facebook, our role in stopping recruitment.

thank you for the question. there is no place for that in our network.

we’ve developed a number of tools so that 99% of isis and al acaida is flagged before we even see it.

we’re proud of it as a model for removing "harmful content".

as of march 29th there were ISIS videos, executions,

april 9th five pages of hezbollah content

what is the mechanism?

is it AI

2-0K people?

what are you using.

this is just within a week.

counter terrorism team at facebook with 200 people.

other content reviewers not in the 200.

NCTC produces analysis, maintains the authoritative database of known and suspected terrorists, shares information, and conducts strategic operational planning. NCTC is staffed by more than 1,000 personnel from across the IC, the Federal government, and Federal contractors. NCTC’s workforce represents approximately 20 different departments and agencies—a tribute to the recognition by the intelligence, homeland security, and law enforcement communities of NCTC’s role in protecting the Nation against terrorist threats.

just focused on counter terrorism.

30 languages.

AI tools in development

proactively flag content and sources

owns wassap? .

how are they helping the to stop the recruiting.

WOW BACK TO THE ORIGINAL POINTS : WHAT THE FUCK IS FACEBOOK?!?!?

cue WILD WILD COUNTRY

correction plea: whether web blogs would be able to download your info. they are not we only store them temporarily. we convert them into ad interests. which can be controlled.

mr

how to fk up your VALENTINE’s day and another story about a modern gnostic and his perpetual failures, scott richard

how to fk up your VALENTINE’s day and another story about a modern gnostic and his perpetual failures, scott richard
Rain Gear
Image by torbakhopper
PRESS PLAY

come undone
duran duran

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i can be furious

in my life, i can become furious or infuriated by others.

and, in all fairness, it’s usually about A LOT more than what is merely taking place in the moment. that is, my memories of a thousand other moments suddenly raise their hackles against the actions of a single moment — i don’t forget what people say and do and when they lie or cheat, it’s terribly obvious because my memory is so fking punishing and i can’t forget stuff and i don’t practice that stupidity of the FORGIVE AND FORGET idiots. they are so fking dumb.

in our society, this isn’t considered so darn acceptable. we cherish our liars and lie to live. we don’t punish the mental crimes of those around us.

instead, we live in a society full of liars who ACTIVELY practice FORGETTING THEIR MENTAL CRIMES against others. they DELETE their memories of offenses they have managed to skirt past and then move on as though they have been "TABULA RASAed©" by some outside force. for them, they are starting fresh all the time as they actively PASS AWAY their actual memories.

so OFTEN my sudden outbursts of ACCUMULATED ANGER can often take these breezy DENIALISTS by surprise — they’ve forgotten all the sht they’ve already been forgiven for and dash boldly into new sins..

we laughingly called this behavior DENIAL in the 90s. but were we being honest?
wasn’t it more that ACTIVE MEMORY DELETION is a form of lying? and that this ACTIVE DELETION OF MEMORY not only leads others astray, but leads the ACTIVE DENIER deeper into their own confusion of lies.

well, if you read my sht, you know that i’m a GNOSTIC. and, more than that, a MODERN GNOSTIC who KNOWS a lot about what has happened since the original GNOSTICS started their intellectual and spiritual quest to DISCOVER THE GOD WITHIN US.

in the meantime, a lot has changed, but the mission of this DISCOVERY OF GOD WITHIN US has never terminated. so, a modern gnostic is not so far away from the original gnostics. and the original gnostics were simple enough to love and adore and yet complicated enough to threaten EVERY social structure in operation at the time.

in short, gnostics only have TWO rules. These two simple rules are only there to lead us to the DISCOVERY OF GOD WITHIN US.
they are very simple rules for releasing this "god":

NEVER LIE, to yourself or to others
NEVER DO THINGS YOU DISLIKE/RESENT/HATE OR DON’T WANT TO DO.

that’s it.
and these two simple ACTIVE RULES, for they are ACTIONS, are much more complicated than they appear on the surface.

give it a try for a day.
see how many hours you can go before you LIE or DO SOMETHING YOU RESENT/HATE/DISLIKE/or DON’T WANT TO DO.

what you’ll see REALLY quickly is that you are ACTIVELY LYING about a crp load of dirty secrets about yourself. and REMEMBER THIS:

OMISSION is absolutely a secondary form of lying if it is used to MISLEAD, MISDIRECT, CONFUSE or MANIPULATE another person. and CHEATING is the IMMEDIATE CHILD OF LYING, so OBVIOUSLY, CHEATING is also not in the game. if you are CHEATING, you have already lied to yourself or others about why you are doing what you are doing. to cheat, you must already have lied. this is not only OBVIOUS, but often overlooked.

which brings me to my valentine’s day confession.
here’s a part of my life i have been overlooking…

*************************

first off, i don’t like the idea of manufactured holidays. all of them are SUSPECT and OBVIOUSLY generated by the tiny iron fist of the USURER’s agenda. besides, i once had a special man in my life and his nickname was MR. VALENTINE because i’d never really had a “valentine” lover. and, as i’ve learned over time, it’s best NEVER TO HANG OUT with casual sex relations on important holidays of any kind.

why?
if you date or do things with people you don’t really know on these especially fabricated days of “importance”, you run the risk of having to remember the incidences forever in relation to the holiday instead of just a bad date that went sour. instead, you’ll end up with a weird Thanksgiving day story or “that xmas of dread”. so, as a basic rule, i don’t do casual sex stuff on holidays or days of celebration. it keeps my memories free from the ruin of conflicted or sideways circumstances. remember, i have a punishing memory that doesn’t really forget things.

which is why i fell into this whole fiasco quite by accident and subsequently can’t help laughing at myself for every single step of the way.

and worse, i immediately started to have this realization the moment it started to happen so it was a bit like a watching a movie and being the camera itself. and the director. and the audience. and the screenwriter.

this was oddly satisfying in ways i still can’t really understand, but allow me to step back in time…

several months ago i began to realize that my casual sexing with other men was having more repercussions than i was giving it credit for in my own personal life. because i’m a gnostic, there are no moral prohibitions outside of the two CODES OF CONDUCT that give us the power to pursue the DISCOVERY OF GOD WITHIN US.

besides, i try to be a seriously upright guy and all about CONCERN. CONCERN is more than CONSENT. it is not about laws. it is about PEOPLE and truths. CONCERN is an idea which includes CONSENT. but unlike CONSENT, CONCERN FKING HATES lawyers and believes people’s hearts must change. changing the fking laws that make more jobs for lawyers who then help bad people make more bad is what CONSENT is all about — fking lawyers, the intelletual and spiritual half-breeds and terrorists of america.

plus, the idea of making an advantage of other people is not only ANTI-AMERiCAN, it’s a pathetic response to the notion of DISCOVERING THE GOD WITHIN US.
it’s antithetical to that discovery, in fact, which is why LYING is the PRIMARY TOOL OF LAWYERS and crooks like our president and his MICHAEL COHEN buddy that protected his assets for the past ten years. fking anti-americas pukes.

plus, as a modern gnostic, CONCERN is the spirit of our existence. that is why we become gnostic — to let the god out, not to let the god in. CONSENT is about letting the god in, CONCERN is about letting the god out.
think about it…

anyway, i have been very lax about interviewing men or asking a bunch of questions before sexing around with men in my past and it even still makes me uncomfortable to pry…

sex is more like racquetball for me. and that’s been the beauty of homosexual sex for me since i decided nine years ago that “relationshipping” with men just wasn’t my jam. now it’s just sex. it’s a physical activity.

so for me, casual sexing has just been about sex and the "don’t ask, don’t tell" areas of morality have been in play mostly.

and why not?
for me it’s not about babies or anything emotionally attached to an imaginary future. in fact, it’s just about having sex and enjoying the company of another. person in the moment. some people call it sport sex, but honestly, it’s mostly “sex to avoid attachments”.

and this kind of sucks after awhile because it’s not fun to constantly be engaged in the pursuit of sex. it’s supposed to get easier as one ages, so there’s always that. but it doesn’t really get easier. it’s an acquisitional affair that needs constant renewal.

it’s HUNTING and hunting is a tiring affair that only yields your next meal…

plus, experience kills the spirit of adventure. the act of making fantasies come to life has a way of killing the power of the dream. too many people want “their dreams” to come true, when in reality we know that dreams take place somewhere else. “dreams coming true” is supposed to be a dream we all have. but at what price?

which leads us back to our story:

so when i got an invitation from my talented friend, i said yes. after all, he is a classical musician and works full-time bringing to life the delight and wonder of that world of music with its expensive tickets and plush seats. the invite was to attend a concert featuring mozart and a west coast premiere of a musical grad student type’s work (sidetone — do you really get to call things “west coast premieres” just cuz? don’t you have to have HAMILTON credit to banter such phraseology around? something more than just pride? is this essay a WEST COAST PREMIERE, for example?).

now one thing about me that you might not know is that i can’t stand SIT-DOWN ENTERTAINMENT. please don’t invite me anywhere where the first thing we do is “take our seats”. i’ll say no.

in fact, i won’t attend ANY events that imprison me into an assigned seat. if i can’t roam, i’m not going. so forget about movies and plays and concert events and ANYTHING that forces me to be confined while being entertained. i simply won’t do it.

and this was my first mistake.
i CHOSE to participate in something that i really didn’t want to do. you see, gnosticism isn’t rigid. you can make as many mistakes as you want. it’s on you.

plus, besides not wanting to sit down for hours, i don’t resonate with classical music. classical music is an expression of sound that i admire and can imagine its effect in its own time when radio and recorded sound were non-existent. i can imagine hearing the work of mozart in his day (should i be so lucky!) and my empty head becoming so full of sounds and wonders!!! how amazing his work would be. but this is not the case. i grew up on heavy metal and punk rock and ska music. i believe in DANCING, not sitting still.

and music has changed in the hundreds of years that have moved over those composers. so classical music is a fetish. it’s a historical regurgitation of time and place and effort. and i don’t really merge with it. plus, i didn’t know that the show was on valentine’s day. he just said “hey, come see my show on thursday.”

so i said HECK YEAH as a show of support. plus, he’s a damn sexy man in so many ways. so damn sexy…

then he said, “how many tickets do you want?” and i wrote back, “one should do it.”
and he wrote back, “it’s Valentine’s day.”

and i didn’t write back, "fk!!" but that’s how i felt.

right at that moment the “movie started”. and by movie, i mean that’s when i knew i was stepping off the path and into the melée of my own stupidity. right then i knew i was doing something i hated and resented. but i did it anyway.

now this handsome man is married.

i didn’t know this until one time we were in the full-on activity of sex and he shouted out some line like “fk that married ass!!” which literally made me laugh so hard it almost destroyed the moment. i had to assure him that that was his little secret and now it wasn’t a secret and it kind of stained me with its presence. and i get that a lot of men who like cheating would be super turned-on by the idea of playing up that fetish, but HONESTLY, i’m just too simple to get off on cheating and the anger that is invested in the hearts of those who cheat on a regular basis.

it’s not my business, however, to tell someone how to live their life. and for casual sex, i just look at the info people share and this detail was not something he had shared before. but we were already sex buddies at this point and back then i just figured that it was on him. i didn’t see myself in relation to the drama of his life. we had our little moments here and there and he had his full life somewhere else. so for me, his whole amazing life as a musician never had anything to do with me until he invited me to a famous men’s club in nob hill to watch him perform. this invitation had come with a story about the club and its history and its art collection. plus, he told me that i could wonder around the place while he was setting up and practicing for the show.

and it was a fantastic opportunity. all my life i had heard about this club. as a child it was shrouded in mystery and the forest in the club’s holdings is and was legendary. so i went and he was right. i was able to roam the place (no photos out of respect, sadly) and take it all in while he rehearsed. it was AMAZING. there were "posters" everywhere that are part of the historical legacy and they represent shows and performances that the club put on.

one could spend a whole career writing about these posters and studying them. it was like a genre of art and history that the club had created over decades. and these posters were hung EVERYWHERE on the five stories of the club.

there was an endless litany of famous authors in portraiture who had come and presented themselves as guest lecturers. there were posters from the countless annual events that the club has been doing for decades and all of it was a quiet homage to time and human endeavor and accomplishment. and the artists who made the posters were mostly genius. i was in awe and felt like i could be one of those artists, too. i love the layout of posters and the use of text and art in collusion. it was exactly my cup of tea and i spent an hour and half just using my eyes and wondering the hallway of the club.

later, my handsome friend played with the band at the "dinner show" celebrating oklahoma music and its contributions to rock and roll. it was a pretty magical evening all in all.

so now here i was perplexed by this new invite. fk. valentine’s day. how shtty.

i still only asked for one ticket figuring it would be best not to get anyone else involved in the debacle. and this turned out to be a wise decision because when i showed up at will call, there was no ticket under my name. now i suppose most people would be disappointed to learn this but not me. the only parking i could find was almost over on market street and i’d had to walk through hayes valley just to get to the theater across from city hall.

i’d tried to make enough time so i could run to costco first and pick up my new progressive lenses. i’d told myself that if i ran a good errand and the show was boring at least i’d have my new glasses. but i was a bit late getting out the door and there wasn’t enough time to get down to costco and also worry about finding parking. plus, one of my favorite things to do is to park somewhere and walk a long way with my camera exploring my surroundings.

when the woman at will call said that my name wasn’t listed, i immediately had fantasies of being turned away so i could go pick up my new glasses. and this may sound trivial, but at this point i was getting eyegraines on a daily level from overworking my bad eyes. the progressives held out this massive carrot of encouragement for me to work again, so i almost didn’t even make an argument to the woman about the ticket but then i thought, you should try.

but the rub was that i don’t know this guy’s full name. i now his user profile name from the sex site. and ironically his user profile name is a twist off from his real name. i do one twist further for the document.

so there i was not being able to come up with anything more than his first name and she’s looking at me and i’m looking at her and the concert is starting in twenty minutes so it’s not like i’m going to call or text anybody for confirmation and i’m getting excited in my own head about going to costco instead of being trapped in a music hall on valentine’s day with a bunch of NPR-looking listener types in the audiences.

so i tell her i’m just there to support him and that it’s not a big deal if there isn’t a ticket and then another man gets involved and a little red flag goes up in my mind. there is something about him that signifies something i don’t get. but it’s a red flag.

and the red flag says: wait, there is some kind of collusion going on.
but i have no idea what that means, so i note it.
and earlier i talked about DENIABILITY.
for me, i don’t instantly deny stuff. i save it. it can be looked at later if it’s saved. and RED FLAGS don’t always look red at first. sometimes, it is only in retrospect that we see how blatantly red they really are and always were. i know this from way too much experience.

and the red flag was in something these two were sharing. the way they were talking it was like i was not the first person with this exact problem. something had taken place or was going on and they knew something. anyway, the new man takes over things and he gets me a great seat right up close to my friend. i’m literally in the third row of this gilded theater with murals and gold and all the high fallutin finery of the wannabes. it’s stuff i can’t stand, the sickness of the middle class and all its desires to love itself somehow.

and the show starts and it’s good. they are great. and classical music amazes me. there is so much work to make classical music. there is so much to remember and execute. and it feels like that to me. it feels like a day’s worth of chopping and stirring and mincing and boiling and mixing. and each element is literally enmeshed with all the other elements. it’s a medley of formalized codependency.
yay!
mozart!

plus my friend looks great on stage and this is not how i know him at all. i know him better without his dapper clothes and it’s strange to see him in this situation again — a master musician of extraordinary talent. it’s a far cry from the racquetball courts of my bedroom..

when i was young i went to music shows a lot. when i was 22 i made a list of all the shows i could remember and there were over 300 shows that i’d been to at that point in my life. later in 2007 that list had grown even more in the 20 years between. and i’m sick of this kind of entertainment. i get restless. i feel that life is elsewhere. it’s outside, on the streets, passing by. and i long for the streets and the places where we are not so sheltered and given over to our passions and our luxuries. and i feel out of place.

i do not belong in these music halls of the rich. i do not hone and vibe with this sentiment and this kind of being. i want to smoke pot and have a coffee and be boring. and then i want to run along. and to make matters more strained, the guest composer’s WEST COAST PREMIERE piece was stuck quite UNADROITLY between two works of mozart.

the work was spare and needy. it was anemic and any glints of sunlight which could find a “body within” quickly disappeared into the emptiness of the work. and i couldn’t help thinking about the movie Amadeus when mozart is criticizing Antonio Salieri’s work and saying it has too many notes. how exactly opposite this bleak and barren cine-mato-graphic piece was with not enough notes to find itself. and thirty minutes of this was enough to rip the skin off a frozen breast of chicken meat. what a relief when it ended. the audience literally CHEERED with glee that it was over.

but when the piece was finished the handsome bearded young composer took his applause from the audience and my friend warmly embraced him and another little red flag went off. as if there were more collusion in world of music than i had imagined. they did actually look they’d be good lovers together and there was a familiarity that made me think so. perhaps they are? makes sense to me.

now there were two reddish flags for me to contemplate as the house lights went up for the break.

during the intermission i debated my options: run! should i stay or should i go? the ancient CLASH dilemma.

and this was a good one. the weather report basically was guaranteeing rain by nine. if i left now i would beat the rain. alternately, costco was already closed or closing very shortly so i couldn’t pick my glasses up. i decided to stay for the second part.

and it was relatively painless. and again, the quartet was amazing. such master musicians. to be able to jump from such painful modern music and play it perfectly and then switch back into mozart was stunning. plus i’d never seen all the new page turning technology and musical notebooks they use now. and that grand piano must’ve cost a half a million bucks. it was better than a high-end luxury sports car and looked stunning. it didn’t hurt that the GENIUS behind the piano was killing it. she literally hit every note with the precision of a machine but poured her heart and soul into it.

i love talented musicians. they are living treasures. they must live to create. their life must be present. as an artist, this is not the same for us. we can hide out and bring our work to show. it is not the “creation” that is valued in art. it is the PRODUCT. but music is both product and creation. and this is brilliant to watch, to absorb. it was a treat. and then it was over.

as the house lights came up and the applause poured over the theater and onto the stage, i realized that freedom lurked just beyond the exit doors. but, simultaneously, i knew i should probably say my hellos and supportive congrats. weirdly, i don’t feel moved by performances very much anymore. i feel bored by the stationary and settled aspect of it. it does not lift me up. but i also knew i was surrounded by people who felt the exact opposite. so i attended to their emotions and listened for their words and did my best to feel the excitement that they felt.

in the lobby i could hear the rain pouring. this was going to be a rainy half a mile walk. but which exit should i go out? i was at the front of the theater on purpose at this point because i was going to skip the whole hello process. my experience is that most artists of any nature are scattered and flighty after giving it all up. they can’t process sht and are lost in this glossy haze of attention. better that they be lost in it than me. i hate that phase in presenting art. it’s fake and ugly and emotionally pretty and vacuous. such drivel makes me nauseous, but not everybody’s like me. some people bask in the after glow.

so i loaded my pot pipe and pulled together my rain gear for the journey and then realized LOGISTICALLY that i should actually go out the back exit that was closer to franklin instead of van ness. so i headed to the southwest corner of the building to avoid being rained on while walking around the building outside.

unwittingly, i was suddenly at the “performer’s exit”, which i guess is where everyone congratulates the musicians as they exit. and that’s when things started to click for me.

in a sort of unconscious way i started to see versions of myself in the hallway. there were taller versions, hipper versions, more conservative versions, but all of them were versions of myself in different form. or, i was a version of them. needless to say, i was not the only person that had been invited to the performance that night. in fact, he had clearly gone through his little black book of fk buddies and invited a ton of them. and we were all wearing the same jubilant smiles for his success. we were a gaggle of gay men who were all fking a heterosexually identified musical genius. FK!!!

me, i’m not a huge fan of surprise. instead, my mind thinks things like, “fk, you coulda gone to costco and you could be wearing your new progressives!!” my mind is very shallow and punishing.

ah, this was the look in that woman’s eyes at the ticket counter! how many will calls had he given out to dudes that looked just like me!? and then i show up and look just them but there’s no ticket in my name!?

and how they had then huddled and talked in hushed tones before the man had then so kindly helped me in a collusional way, a “knowing” way that had made me feel uncomfortable and out of sorts. now it was all starting to make sense and i was super glad that i hadn’t invited anyone, that this could be all about my awakening, my undoing, my shtty valentine’s.

and weridly, i’ve been in this kind of a setting before — when you’re face-to-face rubbing elbows with somone’s sex circle of friends. at least this time i was having sex with the said ring leader. once in manhattan i’d gone to a party and i was the ONLY person who hadn’t had sex with the host. that was really fkt up because that guy used sex as a tool for leveraging and everyone in the room had been leveraged at some lever or other. and the only reason i was the only person who hadn’t had sex with him was because i was in love with someone else. which had pissed the guy off to no end since without sex as his controlling device he had to just be my friend. ah, the humanity!! ironically and fatefully, it didn’t matter in the long run since the person i loved was cheating on me and my loyalty meant nothing in the end.

such is the life.

and stories like this don’t really have endings. it was a beautiful walk home in the rain. the streets were gorgeous with neon reflections and dancing lights. i have great gear so i was warm and dry the whole way.

this is the path of bad decisions and doing what you don’t want to do.

and i did brush up against him as i left.
he was shaking hands with one of his lovers from the group of lovers surrounding him.

and that was as close as we got that night — a one-sided touch. like that woman in the new testament fantasy who suffers from a blood disease but believes in heart if she could just touch jesus, she would be healed.

but there was no woman, there was no blood disease and there was no jesus.
it was all a fantasy.

how to fk up your VALENTINE’s day and another story about a modern gnostic and his perpetual failures, scott richard

how to fk up your VALENTINE’s day and another story about a modern gnostic and his perpetual failures, scott richard
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Image by torbakhopper
PRESS PLAY

come undone
duran duran

****************************

i can be furious

in my life, i can become furious or infuriated by others.

and, in all fairness, it’s usually about A LOT more than what is merely taking place in the moment. that is, my memories of a thousand other moments suddenly raise their hackles against the actions of a single moment — i don’t forget what people say and do and when they lie or cheat, it’s terribly obvious because my memory is so fking punishing and i can’t forget stuff and i don’t practice that stupidity of the FORGIVE AND FORGET idiots. they are so fking dumb.

in our society, this isn’t considered so darn acceptable. we cherish our liars and lie to live. we don’t punish the mental crimes of those around us.

instead, we live in a society full of liars who ACTIVELY practice FORGETTING THEIR MENTAL CRIMES against others. they DELETE their memories of offenses they have managed to skirt past and then move on as though they have been TABULA RASSAed by some outside force. for them, they are starting fresh all the time as they actively PASS AWAY their actual memories.

so OFTEN my sudden outbursts of ACCUMULATED ANGER can often take these breezy DENIALISTS by surprise — they’ve forgotten all the sht they’ve already been forgiven for and dash boldly into new sins..

we laughingly called this behavior DENIAL in the 90s. but were we being honest?
wasn’t it more that ACTIVE MEMORY DELETION is a form of lying? and that this ACTIVE DELETION OF MEMORY not only leads others astray, but leads the ACTIVE DENIER deeper into their own confusion of lies.

well, if you read my sht, you know that i’m a GNOSTIC. and, more than that, a MODERN GNOSTIC who KNOWS a lot about what has happened since the original GNOSTICS started their intellectual and spiritual quest to DISCOVER THE GOD WITHIN US.

in the meantime, a lot has changed, but the mission of this DISCOVERY OF GOD WITHIN US has never terminated. so, a modern gnostic is not so far away from the original gnostics. and the original gnostics were simple enough to love and adore and yet complicated enough to threaten EVERY social structure in operation at the time.

in short, gnostics only have TWO rules. These two simple rules are only there to lead us to the DISCOVERY OF GOD WITHIN US.
they are very simple rules for releasing this "god":

NEVER LIE, to yourself or to others
NEVER DO THINGS YOU DISLIKE/RESENT/HATE OR DON’T WANT TO DO.

that’s it.
and these two simple ACTIVE RULES, for they are ACTIONS, are much more complicated than they appear on the surface.

give it a try for a day.
see how many hours you can go before you LIE or DO SOMETHING YOU RESENT/HATE/DISLIKE/or DON’T WANT TO DO.

what you’ll see REALLY quickly is that you are ACTIVELY LYING about a crp load of dirty secrets about yourself. and REMEMBER THIS:

OMISSION is absolutely a secondary form of lying if it is used to MISLEAD, MISDIRECT, CONFUSE or MANIPULATE another person. and CHEATING is the IMMEDIATE CHILD OF LYING, so OBVIOUSLY, CHEATING is also not in the game. if you are CHEATING, you have already lied to yourself or others about why you are doing what you are doing. to cheat, you must already have lied. this is not only OBVIOUS, but often overlooked.

which brings me to my valentine’s day confession.
here’s a part of my life i have been overlooking…

*************************

first off, i don’t like the idea of manufactured holidays. all of them are SUSPECT and OBVIOUSLY generated by the tiny iron fist of the USURER’s agenda. besides, i once had a special man in my life and his nickname was MR. VALENTINE because i’d never really had a “valentine” lover. and, as i’ve learned over time, it’s best NEVER TO HANG OUT with casual sex relations on important holidays of any kind.

why?
if you date or do things with people you don’t really know on these especially fabricated days of “importance”, you run the risk of having to remember the incidences forever in relation to the holiday instead of just a bad date that went sour. instead, you’ll end up with a weird Thanksgiving day story or “that xmas of dread”. so, as a basic rule, i don’t do casual sex stuff on holidays or days of celebration. it keeps my memories free from the ruin of conflicted or sideways circumstances. remember, i have a punishing memory that doesn’t really forget things.

which is why i fell into this whole fiasco quite by accident and subsequently can’t help laughing at myself for every single step of the way.

and worse, i immediately started to have this realization the moment it started to happen so it was a bit like a watching a movie and being the camera itself. and the director. and the audience. and the screenwriter.

this was oddly satisfying in ways i still can’t really understand, but allow me to step back in time…

several months ago i began to realize that my casual sexing with other men was having more repercussions than i was giving it credit for in my own personal life. because i’m a gnostic, there are no moral prohibitions outside of the two CODES OF CONDUCT that give us the power to pursue the DISCOVERY OF GOD WITHIN US.

besides, i try to be a seriously upright guy and all about CONCERN. CONCERN is more than CONSENT. it is not about laws. it is about PEOPLE and truths. CONCERN is an idea which includes CONSENT. but unlike CONSENT, CONCERN FKING HATES lawyers and believes people’s hearts must change. changing the fking laws that make more jobs for lawyers who then help bad people make more bad is what CONSENT is all about — fking lawyers, the intelletual and spiritual half-breeds and terrorists of america.

plus, the idea of making an advantage of other people is not only ANTI-AMERiCAN, it’s a pathetic response to the notion of DISCOVERING THE GOD WITHIN US.
it’s antithetical to that discovery, in fact, which is why LYING is the PRIMARY TOOL OF LAWYERS and crooks like our president and his MICHAEL COHEN buddy that protected his assets for the past ten years. fking anti-americas pukes.

plus, as a modern gnostic, CONCERN is the spirit of our existence. that is why we become gnostic — to let the god out, not to let the god in. CONSENT is about letting the god in, CONCERN is about letting the god out.
think about it…

anyway, i have been very lax about interviewing men or asking a bunch of questions before sexing around with men in my past and it even still makes me uncomfortable to pry…

sex is more like racquetball for me. and that’s been the beauty of homosexual sex for me since i decided nine years ago that “relationshipping” with men just wasn’t my jam. now it’s just sex. it’s a physical activity.

so for me, casual sexing has just been about sex and the "don’t ask, don’t tell" areas of morality have been in play mostly.

and why not?
for me it’s not about babies or anything emotionally attached to an imaginary future. in fact, it’s just about having sex and enjoying the company of another. person in the moment. some people call it sport sex, but honestly, it’s mostly “sex to avoid attachments”.

and this kind of sucks after awhile because it’s not fun to constantly be engaged in the pursuit of sex. it’s supposed to get easier as one ages, so there’s always that. but it doesn’t really get easier. it’s an acquisitional affair that needs constant renewal.

it’s HUNTING and hunting is a tiring affair that only yields your next meal…

plus, experience kills the spirit of adventure. the act of making fantasies come to life has a way of killing the power of the dream. too many people want “their dreams” to come true, when in reality we know that dreams take place somewhere else. “dreams coming true” is supposed to be a dream we all have. but at what price?

which leads us back to our story:

so when i got an invitation from my talented friend, i said yes. after all, he is a classical musician and works full-time bringing to life the delight and wonder of that world of music with its expensive tickets and plush seats. the invite was to attend a concert featuring mozart and a west coast premiere of a musical grad student type’s work (sidetone — do you really get to call things “west coast premieres” just cuz? don’t you have to have HAMILTON credit to banter such phraseology around? something more than just pride? is this essay a WEST COAST PREMIERE, for example?).

now one thing about me that you might not know is that i can’t stand SIT-DOWN ENTERTAINMENT. please don’t invite me anywhere where the first we do is “take our seats”. i’ll say no.

in fact, i won’t attend ANY events that imprison me into an assigned seat. if i can’t roam, i’m not going. so forget about movies and plays and concert events and ANYTHING that forces me to be confined while being entertained. i simply won’t do it.

and this was my first mistake.
i CHOSE to participate in something that i really didn’t want to do. you see, gnosticism isn’t rigid. you can make as many mistakes as you want. it’s on you.

plus, besides not wanting to sit down for hours, i don’t resonate with classical music. classical music is an expression of sound that i admire and can imagine its effect in its own time when radio and recorded sound were non-existent. i can imagine hearing the work of mozart in his day (should i be so lucky!) and my empty head becoming so full of sounds and wonders!!! how amazing his work would be. but this is not the case. i grew up on heavy metal and punk rock and ska music. i believe in DANCING, not sitting still.

and music has changed in the hundreds of years that have moved over those composers. so classical music is a fetish. it’s a historical regurgitation of time and place and effort. and i don’t really merge with it. plus, i didn’t know that the show was on valentine’s day. he just said “hey, come see my show on thursday.”

so i said HECK YEAH as a show of support. plus, he’s a damn sexy man in so many ways. so damn sexy…

then he said, “how many tickets do you want?” and i wrote back, “one should do it.”
and he wrote back, “it’s Valentine’s day.”

and i didn’t write back, "fk!!" but that’s how i felt.

right at that moment the “movie started”. and by movie, i mean that’s when i knew i was stepping off the path and into the melée of my own stupidity. right then i knew i was doing something i hated and resented. but i did it anyway.

now this handsome man is married.

i didn’t know this until one time we were in the full-on activity of sex and he shouted out some line like “fk that married ass!!” which literally made me laugh so hard it almost destroyed the moment. i had to assure him that that was his little secret and now it wasn’t a secret and it kind of stained me with its presence. and i get that a lot of men who like cheating would be super turned-on by the idea of playing up that fetish, but HONESTLY, i’m just too simple to get off on cheating and the anger that is invested in the hearts of those who cheat on a regular basis.

it’s not my business, however, to tell someone how to live their life. and for casual sex, i just look at the info people share and this detail was not something he had shared before. but we were already sex buddies at this point and back then i just figured that it was on him. i didn’t see myself in relation to the drama of his life. we had our little moments here and there and he had his full life somewhere else. so for me, his whole amazing life as a musician never had anything to do with me until he invited me to a famous men’s club in nob hill to watch him perform. this invitation had come with a story about the club and its history and its art collection. plus, he told me that i could wonder around the place while he was setting up and practicing for the show.

and it was a fantastic opportunity. all my life i had heard about this club. as a child it was shrouded in mystery and the forest in the club’s holdings is and was legendary. so i went and he was right. i was able to roam the place (no photos out of respect, sadly) and take it all in while he rehearsed. it was AMAZING. there were "posters" everywhere that are part of the historical legacy and they represent shows and performances that the club put on.

one could spend a whole career writing about these posters and studying them. it was like a genre of art and history that the club had created over decades. and these posters were hung EVERYWHERE on the five stories of the club.

there was an endless litany of famous authors in portraiture who had come and presented themselves as guest lecturers. there were posters from the countless annual events that the club has been doing for decades and all of it was a quiet homage to time and human endeavor and accomplishment. and the artists who made the posters were mostly genius. i was in awe and felt like i could be one of those artists, too. i love the layout of posters and the use of text and art in collusion. it was exactly my cup of tea and i spent an hour and half just using my eyes and wondering the hallway of the club.

later, my handsome friend played with the band at the "dinner show" celebrating oklahoma music and its contributions to rock and roll. it was a pretty magical evening all in all.

so now here i was perplexed by this new invite. fk. valentine’s day. how shtty.

i still only asked for one ticket figuring it would be best not to get anyone else involved in the debacle. and this turned out to be a wise decision because when i showed up at will call, there was no ticket under my name. now i suppose most people would be disappointed to learn this but not me. the only parking i could find was almost over on market street and i’d had to walk through hayes valley just to get to the theater across from city hall.

i’d tried to make enough time so i could run to costco first and pick up my new progressive lenses. i’d told myself that if i ran a good errand and the show was boring at least i’d have my new glasses. but i was a bit late getting out the door and there wasn’t enough time to get down to costco and also worry about finding parking. plus, one of my favorite things to do is to park somewhere and walk a long way with my camera exploring my surroundings.

when the woman at will call said that my name wasn’t listed, i immediately had fantasies of being turned away so i could go pick up my new glasses. and this may sound trivial, but at this point i was getting eyegraines on a daily level from overworking my bad eyes. the progressives held out this massive carrot of encouragement for me to work again, so i almost didn’t even make an argument to the woman about the ticket but then i thought, you should try.

but the rub was that i don’t know this guy’s full name. i now his user profile name from the sex site. and ironically his user profile name is a twist off from his real name. i do one twist further for the document.

so there i was not being able to come up with anything more than his first name and she’s looking at me and i’m looking at her and the concert is starting in twenty minutes so it’s not like i’m going to call or text anybody for confirmation and i’m getting excited in my own head about going to costco instead of being trapped in a music hall on valentine’s day with a bunch of NPR-looking listener types in the audiences.

so i tell her i’m just there to support him and that it’s not a big deal if there isn’t a ticket and then another man gets involved and a little red flag goes up in my mind. there is something about him that signifies something i don’t get. but it’s a red flag.

and the red flag says: wait, there is some kind of collusion going on.
but i have no idea what that means, so i note it.
and earlier i talked about DENIABILITY.
for me, i don’t instantly deny stuff. i save it. it can be looked at later if it’s saved. and RED FLAGS don’t always look red at first. sometimes, it is only in retrospect that we see how blatantly red they really are and always were. i know this from way too much experience.

and the red flag was in something these two were sharing. the way they were talking it was like i was not the first person with this exact problem. something had taken place or was going on and they knew something. anyway, the new man takes over things and he gets me a great seat right up close to my friend. i’m literally in the third row of this gilded theater with murals and gold and all the high fallutin finery of the wannabes. it’s stuff i can’t stand, the sickness of the middle class and all its desires to love itself somehow.

and the show starts and it’s good. they are great. and classical music amazes me. there is so much work to make classical music. there is so much to remember and execute. and it feels like that to me. it feels like a day’s worth of chopping and stirring and mincing and boiling and mixing. and each element is literally enmeshed with all the other elements. it’s a medley of formalized codependency.
yay!
mozart!

plus my friend looks great on stage and this is not how i know him at all. i know him better without his dapper clothes and it’s strange to see him in this situation again — a master musician of extraordinary talent. it’s a far cry from the racquetball courts of my bedroom..

when i was young i went to music shows a lot. when i was 22 i made a list of all the shows i could remember and there were over 300 shows that i’d been to at that point in my life. later in 2007 that list had grown even more in the 20 years between. and i’m sick of this kind of entertainment. i get restless. i feel that life is elsewhere. it’s outside, on the streets, passing by. and i long for the streets and the places where we are not so sheltered and given over to our passions and our luxuries. and i feel out of place.

i do not belong in these music halls of the rich. i do not hone and vibe with this sentiment and this kind of being. i want to smoke pot and have a coffee and be boring. and then i want to run along. and to make matters more strained, the guest composer’s WEST COAST PREMIERE piece was stuck quite UNADROITLY between two works of mozart.

the work was spare and needy. it was anemic and any glints of sunlight which could find a “body within” quickly disappeared into the emptiness of the work. and i couldn’t help thinking about the movie Amadeus when mozart is criticizing Antonio Salieri’s work and saying it has too many notes. how exactly opposite this bleak and barren cine-mato-graphic piece was with not enough notes to find itself. and thirty minutes of this was enough to rip the skin off a frozen breast of chicken meat. what a relief when it ended. the audience literally CHEERED with glee that it was over.

but when the piece was finished the handsome bearded young composer took his applause from the audience and my friend warmly embraced him and another little red flag went off. as if there were more collusion in world of music than i had imagined. they did actually look they’d be good lovers together and there was a familiarity that made me think so. perhaps they are? makes sense to me.

now there were two reddish flags for me to contemplate as the house lights went up for the break.

during the intermission i debated my options: run! should i stay or should i go? the ancient CLASH dilemma.

and this was a good one. the weather report basically was guaranteeing rain by nine. if i left now i would beat the rain. alternately, costco was already closed or closing very shortly so i couldn’t pick my glasses up. i decided to stay for the second part.

and it was relatively painless. and again, the quartet was amazing. such master musicians. to be able to jump from such painful modern music and play it perfectly and then switch back into mozart was stunning. plus i’d never seen all the new page turning technology and musical notebooks they use now. and that grand piano must’ve cost a half a million bucks. it was better than a high-end luxury sports car and looked stunning. it didn’t hurt that the GENIUS behind the piano was killing it. she literally hit every note with the precision of a machine but poured her heart and soul into it.

i love talented musicians. they are living treasures. they must live to create. their life must be present. as an artist, this is not the same for us. we can hide out and bring our work to show. it is not the “creation” that is valued in art. it is the PRODUCT. but music is both product and creation. and this is brilliant to watch, to absorb. it was a treat. and then it was over.

as the house lights came up and the applause poured over the theater and onto the stage, i realized that freedom lurked just beyond the exit doors. but, simultaneously, i knew i should probably say my hellos and supportive congrats. weirdly, i don’t feel moved by performances very much anymore. i feel bored by the stationary and settled aspect of it. it does not lift me up. but i also knew i was surrounded by people who felt the exact opposite. so i attended to their emotions and listened for their words and did my best to feel the excitement that they felt.

in the lobby i could hear the rain pouring. this was going to be a rainy half a mile walk. but which exit should i go out? i was at the front of the theater on purpose at this point because i was going to skip the whole hello process. my experience is that most artists of any nature are scattered and flighty after giving it all up. they can’t process sht and are lost in this glossy haze of attention. better that they be lost in it than me. i hate that phase in presenting art. it’s fake and ugly and emotionally pretty and vacuous. such drivel makes me nauseous, but not everybody’s like me. some people bask in the after glow.

so i loaded my pot pipe and pulled together my rain gear for the journey and then realized LOGISTICALLY that i should actually go out the back exit that was closer to franklin instead of van ness. so i headed to the southwest corner of the building to avoid being rained on while walking around the building outside.

unwittingly, i was suddenly at the “performer’s exit”, which i guess is where everyone congratulates the musicians as they exit. and that’s when things started to click for me.

in a sort of unconscious way i started to see versions of myself in the hallway. there were taller versions, hipper versions, more conservative versions, but all of them were versions of myself in different form. or, i was a version of them. needless to say, i was not the only person that had been invited to the performance that night. in fact, he had clearly gone through his little black book of fk buddies and invited a ton of them. and we were all wearing the same jubilant smiles for his success. we were a gaggle of gay men who were all fking a heterosexually identified musical genius. FK!!!

me, i’m not a huge fan of surprise. instead, my mind thinks things like, “fk, you coulda gone to costco and you could be wearing your new progressives!!” my mind is very shallow and punishing.

ah, this was the look in that woman’s eyes at the ticket counter! how many will calls had he given out to dudes that looked just like me!? and then i show up and look just them but there’s no ticket in my name!?

and how they had then huddled and talked in hushed tones before the man had then so kindly helped me in a collusional way, a “knowing” way that had made me feel uncomfortable and out of sorts. now it was all starting to make sense and i was super glad that i hadn’t invited anyone, that this could be all about my awakening, my undoing, my shtty valentine’s.

and weridly, i’ve been in this kind of a setting before — when you’re face-to-face rubbing elbows with somone’s sex circle of friends. at least this time i was having sex with the said ring leader. once in manhattan i’d gone to a party and i was the ONLY person who hadn’t had sex with the host. that was really fkt up because that guy used sex as a tool for leveraging and everyone in the room had been leveraged at some lever or other. and the only reason i was the only person who hadn’t had sex with him was because i was in love with someone else. which had pissed the guy off to no end since without sex as his controlling device he had to just be my friend. ah, the humanity!! ironically and fatefully, it didn’t matter in the long run since the person i loved was cheating on me and my loyalty meant nothing in the end.

such is the life.

and stories like this don’t really have endings. it was a beautiful walk home in the rain. the streets were gorgeous with neon reflections and dancing lights. i have great gear so i was warm and dry the whole way.

this is the path of bad decisions and doing what you don’t want to do.

and i did brush up against him as i left.
he was shaking hands with one of his lovers from the group of lovers surrounding him.

and that was as close as we got that night — a one-sided touch. like that woman in the new testament fantasy who suffers from a blood disease but believes in heart if she could just touch jesus, she would be healed.

but there was no woman, there was no blood disease and there was no jesus.
it was all a fantasy.